I Guess I Should Update This.

Warning: This post is long and more just thoughts than anything specific about Argentina at all, especially in the middle, so feel free to skip around or not at all. Read it at your own risk.

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Thursday I just went to the COPA office and hung out after school, using their WiFi, trying to figure out what to write about for my history essay that's due at the end of classes. I was fairly unsuccessful. At first I tried thinking of something I could look at with an exciting, unique perspective, but that failed miserably, so I instead tried to choose something I was genuinely interested in and that I'd like to know more about. I ended up with the vague idea that I'd like to talk about the relationship between (Juan Domingo) Perón and various sectors of society, but that's a rather broad topic for a five-page paper. Anyway, I e-mailed the idea to the history professor. We'll see what she says.

I wonder what level of education the professors here have. They all seem really young - too young, methinks, to have already obtained Ph.D.'s. But who knows. Also I wonder how different the classes we're taking are from classes normal UBA students take. I think all (or at least most) of our professors also teach actual Argentine students. But I'm not positive.

Earlier - by which I mean, while at college this year - I had thought that a summer would be sufficient studying abroad in a Spanish-speaking country, and that I would like to spend a semester in an Arabic-speaking one, thereby bettering my skills at both languages. However, I feel like the summer thing was hardly an immersive (is that a word?) experience. I haven't really gotten to meet any Argentines other than the COPA people, and I definitely haven't been able to practice my Spanish nearly as much as I would have liked.

At the same time, the reason I want to study religious studies at IU is because their department's really good. Like, the professors are great. The classes are fascinating. Granted, I've just taken the one so far, but that one was amazing, and I've only ever heard positive things from people in the department. And so while I'm at IU for these remaining three years, I want to take advantage of that, you know? If I'm majoring in religious studies (which I think I am), I want to be at IU to do it, because it's a very good place for that.

And yet I've also realized that I need to spend more time abroad. Perhaps the solution is not studying, though - perhaps I ought to just move to Madrid or something of the sort once I graduate, and live there for a few years. Although that would be a wrenching decision to make, where to live. I loved loved loved Madrid when I was there for two days a couple of years ago. So while I think I liked the city of Madrid better than Buenos Aires, I definitely prefer Argentine Spanish. It just sounds so ridiculously cool. I love the vos form, and I love that the ll and y are pronounced like a j/sh sound. I also am impressed that higher education and hospitals are public and free. I love that there are protests of such magnitude (although that's there in Spain to at least a certain extent as well), and I think it's amazing that the same country contains Patagonia and Mendoza and Tierra del Fuego and Iguazú in addition to Buenos Aires, not all of which I'll be able to visit during these remaining three weeks. And I feel like I'd be a lot more enthusiastic about it if I just had, you know, friends here. But each location I'm sure has it's positives and negatives. Hence the wrenching decision part.

So regarding the friends thing. I need some. In an online conversation yesterday, a friend told me the following:

Him: The smart girl being interested in her professor. You think he'll give you that intellectual validation that you want so badly. He's just a teacher. It's sort of cute, but mostly boring.

Me: Describe this intellectual validation thing. Also: yikes. You may be right.

Him: Yeah, I'm not just talking nonsense. I see it a lot ... let me try to explain.

Me: Do.

Him: You're obviously very smart. [Blah blah blah] you won't always ... fit. [Blah blah blah] especially at our age, there are very obvious social differences. I think that you like your professor because you think he'll appreciate the qualities in you that other people your age won't recognize. That's what I mean by validation. Someone to make you feel like you're on the right track.

Me: Crap. You're right you're right you're right.

Him: I think that the strongest person is the one that doesn't need someone else for that type of validation.

Me: Yes.

The conversation continued with him being like, you wouldn't care so much about Diego if you had like-minded friends, etc. (- which I clearly, unfortunately lack in Buenos Aires.)

And I more or less snapped out of it. Seriously. He logicked me out of love in under five minutes. Which, I mean, okay. I'm hardly the type who's all omg-unrequited-crush-of-the-week. I just thought Diego was a rather interesting + attractive person (if, you know, a tad old and more than a tad married and scruffy). But regardless. It was a conversation that definitely made me understand myself better. Something else that did the same was the following. I took a random internet quiz (that was hardly anything legitimate, but still) entitled "Are You Too Negative?" and the result was this:

"You may see yourself as an honest person. But most people think you spend way too much time complaining. Maybe people are too naive. Maybe people do have low standards. But no one's going to change from your criticism. Except they may change their minds about liking you."

Spot on! Again! Ding ding ding! Two for two!

I realize this is hardly what you, devoted readers, were looking for. It is neither an account nor an analysis of my exciting time spent in Argentina. So I will now continue on a similar angsty note but this time one that involves - you guessed it! - my host mother. I swear, every single conversation I have with my her involves her making some sort of astonished, unfavorable comparison between me and "las otras chicas." I have already commented on the preferring literature to partying bit, but here are some more:

- Which do you like better, winter or summer? Winter?! But it’s so cold, and summer’s gorgeous!

- It’s such an awful day; I can’t believe you like the rain!

- You don’t enjoy SWIMMING? I love it! I love water in general! (Note: Apparently there is no conflict between this statement and the rain one, though how that’s the case is beyond me.) 

- You don’t like going to the gym?!?! But it’s so nice! People set up memberships and stuff while they’re here! All the other kids love these things!

It's super frustrating. She is such the embodiment of the rich old lady with conservative political values who doesn't realize she's old and is therefore strangely interested in things that will take her back to her youth (like dancing, etc.). She wears furs and has dyed blonde hair, like, need I say more? Today at dinner she condescendingly commented on how some people don't use a knife and fork, they eat pizza with their hands. God forbid! Because - and this was legit her reasoning  - you'd get your hands dirty. Jesus Christ, it's the end of the world. Hands! With pizza touching them!

I am not particularly upset at the moment, but yesterday I could have killed her. I can envision her response: "What?! Other kids don't murder their host families!"

Furthermore, the whole going-out-at-night thing is still a cause of internal controversy. I guess that’s how people socialize, but really? There is no way I am going to a club - which, mind you, involves "dancing"* - at some absurd hour on a school night in order to return at like, five in the morning. This is especially the case if the club plays, and I quote another student here, “really good American hip hop.” There is exactly nothing in that description that sounds in the least bit appealing.

In conclusion: I need to find a way to make friends despite the apparent incredulity with which my likes/interests are received. How?

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Tomorrow or the next day, I will write you all a post that details actual activities I've participated in and actual cool Argentine things, I promise.

Until then, chau.

I'm sorry, I still think that spelling is ridiculous.

Shruti